“. . . spirit and nature, good and evil are interchangeable. . .” (Hermann Hesse)

Judging from the responses to my writing on December 13, I would say it could possibly be true that much, if not all, of the religious sentiment and belief in the world of homo sapiens originates from a few freakish individuals whose brains work a little differently than most, most likely from Temporal Lobe Epilepsy which manifests itself in experiences of either hyper reality or depersonalization/derealization.

I don’t know if I should be honored, frightened, amused, or simply amazed to be spoken of by my friends in the same company as Meister Eckhart, Ezekiel, Teresa of Avila, the Sufis, and those who understand Maya, the Hindu concept of God. I notice that no one mentioned Christopher Dawkins to me.

At the risk of being so monumentally misunderstood that I will have to crawl into a corner and never show my face or my writing in public again, I want to reproduce three paragraphs here from one of my favorite writings.

Please, if you cannot suspend your belief that anyone who quotes this in any context might seem to be identifying with it, read no farther. I do not imagine myself to be Prince Myshkin. I do not imagine myself to be Dostoyevsky or Hermann Hesse.

I am neither intelligent, talented, wise, nor good enough to place myself in such rarefied company. All I mean to say is that Prince Myshkin is my favorite character in all of literature.

When I am being least frightened by my experiences of depersonalization/ derealization and am trying to put them into a context with which I can live, I think I resonate with Myshkin in a way many if not most people do not. That is not to claim special understanding, simply congruent experience.

When I first stumbled upon Hermann Hesse’s discussion of Dostoyevsky’s The Idiot, I knew that he was saying in an important and even “exalted” way what I would like to be able to say―and that my writing a few days ago proves that I cannot.

So I invite you to read this not as my attempt to attach myself to Dostoyevsky, Myshkin, or Hesse but as a description of a reality of which I have had fleeting (milliseconds―and I mean milliseconds) experiences at various times in my life, and that have affected the way I think and feel about everything. You have probably had them, too, but for some reason I have noticed them and been shaken by them in ways that most people are not. That’s all.

The “idiot,” I have said, is at times close to that boundary line where every idea and its opposite are recognized as true. That is, he has an intuition that no idea, no law, no character or order exists that is true and right except as seen from one pole – and for every pole there is an opposite pole. Settling upon a pole, adopting a position from which the world is viewed and arranged, this is the first principle of every order, every culture, every society and morality. Whoever feels, if only for an instant, that spirit and nature, good and evil are interchangeable is the most dangerous enemy of all forms of order. For that is where the opposite order is, and there chaos begins.

A way of thought that leads back to the unconscious, to chaos, destroys all forms of human organization. In conversation someone says to the “idiot” that he only speaks the truth, nothing more, and that this is deplorable. So it is. Everything is true, “Yes” can be said to anything. To bring order into the world, to attain goals, to make possible law, society, organization, culture, morality, “No” must be added to the “Yes,” the world must be separated into opposites, into good and evil. However arbitrary the first establishment of each “No,” each prohibition, may be, it becomes sacrosanct the instant it becomes law, produces results, becomes the foundation for a point of view and system of order.

The highest reality in the eyes of human culture lies in this dividing up of the world into bright and dark, good and evil, permissible and forbidden. For Myshkin the highest reality, however, is the magical experience of the reversibility of all fixed rules, of the equal justification for the existence of both poles. The Idiot, thought to its logical conclusion, leads to a matriarchy of the unconscious and annihilates culture. It does not break the tables of the law, it reverses them and shows their opposites written on the back.

(From Hermann Hesse, My Belief: Essays in the Life and Art, edited and with an introduction by Theodore Ziolkowski, translated by Denver Lindley, New York: Farrar, Straus and Giroux, 1974. You can find used copies of the out-of-print book at Amazon.)

So on the back of the tablet of our law that says people may not enter the country illegally is written its opposite that if a child comes to our border having walked from Guatemala, we are to take her in and feed her and keep her warm and safe.

On the back of the tablet of the law that says your religion is different from mine and mine is different from the guy’s who lives down the street is written that we are to get over our sense of rectitude and privilege.

On the back of the tablet . . .

That’s what I really meant to say a few days ago.

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