A tedious, pointless, self-absorbed story you don’t want to miss

Yesterday I was glad I don’t have any really debilitating physical ailments because, if I did, I would be insufferable in my kvetching. I don’t like pain, and I don’t like it when everything isn’t just as I want it. A friend says the mantra of an addictive personality is, “I want what I want when I want it, and right now would be just fine.” small-plastic-grocery-cart

Yesterday I ran out of Carbatrol™ which I take in massive doses to control my seizures. You wouldn’t know if I was having a seizure if I was sitting next to you when it happened. Temporal Lobe Epilepsy – or whatever they call it these days. In 1982 when I was diagnosed we called it TLEpilepsy, and that’s what I call it today.

I’ve been taking Carbatrol™ since 1982. Rather, I’ve been taking Carbamazepine in some form since then. I’ve been taking the absurdly expensive time-release form for only about seven or eight years since I found Dr. Mark Agostini at UTSouthwestern Medical School. The only good thing about the absurdity is that I will get a huge income tax refund this year.

When I go 24 hours without Carbamazepine, my mind and body slip into a state similar to the kind I used to pay a lot of money to find. These days I do not like it. Reality is somewhere out there, but it’s not rattling around in my head. You know that feeling when you’re drunk and your lips don’t quite work and you slur your words because you can’t quite get thoughts from your brain to your tongue? Well, perhaps you don’t, but I do. And these days the only way I feel that is by not ingesting a substance rather than by ingesting a substance. I hate it.

Carbamazepine depravation happened because of a series of miscalculations. My online prescription service was automatically refilling prescriptions, but I had just received a three-month supply when that started, so suddenly I had a six-month supply. And it kept coming. Those big white bottles of pills. Finally I called and yelled at them to Stop It! At that time I had four of their largest size bottles of pills. I figured at least one of them was Carbamazepine, but when I emptied a bottle a couple of days ago, I discovered that all of them were Lamictal—which I also take in massive doses to thwart the kinds of actions I indulged in yesterday.

medco-bottle_jc_topSo I had no Carbamazepine. And two days ago I called both my neurologist and my PCP and they both finally called in prescriptions—24 hours later! My PCP called in ordinary  Carbamazepine because that is the generic and he said it was OK (how would he know I want to co-pay $138 for a month’s supply instead of $3 for the generic?). I have to have the Carbatrol time-release capsules because there’s no way in hell I’m going to remember to take one pill five times a day.

But it’s a good thing PCP called it in because the pharmacy didn’t have any of the expensive stuff.

Outside my apartment door is a small alcove in the wide hallway. People (people!) carry their groceries home from the supermarket next door in (purloined) monstrous red shopping carts. Instead of taking them back, they park them in front of my apartment door. Yesterday there were three of them. Three!

The Dallas city penal code reads at number 22435.2

It is unlawful. . .

   (a) To remove a shopping cart. . . from the premises. . . of a retail establishment with the intent to temporarily or permanently deprive the owner or retailer of possession of the cart.

   (b) To be in possession of any shopping cart. . . has been removed from the premises. . . of a retail establishment. . .

The fine for this offence is set at $90, with court fees of $64 dollars—the total not to exceed $500. So if the cops came by my place, they might assume I’m breaking the law $1500 worth.

So I’m pissed. Move your @*% stolen shopping carts. Remember, I haven’t had any Carbamazepine for 36 hours and reality is not rattling around in my brain. I carefully make signs about the illegality of the presence of the shopping carts and tape them on the handles. Three hours later someone had removed them. So I replaced them. Three times this has happened.

The Scene of the Crime

The Scene of the Crime

And so the battle is joined.

I’ll let you know if getting some Carbamazepine into my system (which I did at about 2 PM yesterday) will help me seek a peace treaty. I doubt it. At least I have an excuse.

2 Responses to A tedious, pointless, self-absorbed story you don’t want to miss

  1. bobritzema says:

    Interesting that the miscreant bothered to remove the signs. Too lazy to return the carts, but not too lazy to over and over again remove signs pointing out the illegality of their actions? Wouldn’t it have been easier just to follow the law?

  2. One would have thought so.

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